The Proper Etiquette of Taking Public Transportation

1. Don’t manspread! Your knees shouldn’t be more than six inches apart.

2. If you have a bag or purse, turn around slowly so as to not hit someone with them.

3. Don’t play your music too loudly so as not to disturb the others.

4. Bring your litter with you when you leave.

5. If you must take a phone call, please do not talk too loudly.

6. Try not to eat on the train, especially not odorous foods.

7. On that note, it is recommended that you keep some milk and honey on you.

8. Remember to offer your seat to the elderly, to those in need, and to the very tall man with no face.

9. If you are travelling past the third stop, you must bring a knife made of silver.

10. Some parts of the train will be colder than others; this is completely normal.

11. If the driver sounds the bell once, it means that the train has reached a stop; check if it’s yours.

12. If the driver sounds the bell twice, spirits are entering the train. Stay alert, but remain courteous. They are passengers, just like you.

13. If the driver sounds the bell thrice, get off the train immediately, by any means necessary.

14. Always get off by the eleventh stop. Always.

15. Do not sit next to — or near — anyone with bright eyes and sharp teeth.

16. Never ask what the next stop is. It will make you appear vulnerable, or stupid. You don’t want to seem either, especially past the fourth stop. It’s also really annoying.

17. On that note: past the fourth stop, do not look outside the windows.

18. Never fall asleep. That’s how the train feeds.

19. Do not try and start a conversation with the other passengers. You will not like what they know.

20. If you plan on travelling past the fifth stop, it is highly recommended that you bring an amulet of protection. They can be purchased from the apothecary on Banye Avenue, for the right price.

21. There will be foxes. Sometimes they will be feeding on the fleshy lumps on the floor. Do not disturb them.

22. Do not sit in the seats directly next to the doors. The fair folk do not take kindly to sharing.

23. If a man in a suit asks you for the time, always tell him it is eleven. He will eventually leave you alone.

24. Keep your ticket stub on you. Check on it periodically. It is what keeps you attached to this realm.

25. If someone offers to buy your ticket stub from you, refuse. Do not look them in the eyes.

26. Between the sixth and seventh stop, you may hear voices that scare you. Don’t be. You only need to be afraid when you begin to hear them call your name.

27. Do not ever eat anything that is offered to you.

28. In the last car, there will be a man sitting alone with a small dog. It is not a dog.
    Do not approach them.

29. Never travel with a friend. You will not know if they are taken, and something else takes his place.

30. If an old woman with one eye boards the train, do not look at her. Do not leave your seat. She will get off at the next stop. Do not look out of the doors as she leaves.

31. Always remember rule 27.

32. If the homeless-looking man screams at you, you must scream back louder.

33. The being next to you may change faces halfway through your trip. Do not comment; that would be rude.

34. The train may not want you to leave. You must.

35. If you leave anything in behind, it is no longer yours. Forget whatever you have lost.

36. Before you go, leave the milk and honey behind for the foxes. Remember to thank them for their protection.

37. Once you disembark, keep walking. Do not look behind you. Never look back.

 

This flyer was sponsored by the M̲͕id̪̘̖͈͈̜n͈̙̖͍̭̦̠i̕g̺̟h̛̹̺͕̟͔͕t͕̠͙͔̜̲ ̻̲̤͖͚͈͟C͏͖̬ͅi͟t̸̗y̳̜ Department of R̦̳̖ạ̥̽̊͢iͬl͎̣͉͎̟̘̓̉͆ͤ and Transp͇̜̖̯̖̻̖o͠r͡t͓͔̞.

Following proper etiquette makes the journey more pleasant for everyone involved.

We hope you enjoy your ride!