beast |
there is a
beast under this roof,
and at first it wasn't
me
​
​
four,
and you are so
small
that i could crush
you in the palm of my hand
smother you under sheets
until the crib is still
but i don’t, because ill break you in
other ways
and this is just as it should be.
​
there is a
beast under this roof,
and it will always be
me
​
eight,
is the first time you think
you can talk back to me, think
you can run around in the mud, or
have big dreams
you — a child, a girl —
and for it, you pay;
the way the cup shatters
on your head
is music to my ears
and this is just as it should be.
there is a
beast under this roof,
and you're learning to be afraid of
me
​
twelve,
you’ve learned to keep
your head down,
like you’ve learnt that
our parents never wanted you
like you’ve learnt that
what’s between your legs defines you
learned to sit down, shut up, and listen
(primary school did my job and
beat that into you
with a yard stick broken in two)
and this is just as it should be.
​
there is a
beast under this roof,
and you know better than to question
me
​
sixteen,
and you’ve left the country
for the land of the free
your room empty, its door
scarred
from the time you locked yourself in,
thinking that you could get
out of paying your dues — you
don’t need your pocket money, you’re
already too fat and ugly—
from the time you called the police
on your own damn brother,
and they dragged me away in handcuffs
even though I told them I wasn’t fucking drunk;
(it’s okay though, mom and dad
will always forgive me, first)
you may have left this house
but what i have done to you
will never leave you
and that is just as it should be
​
there is a
beast under this roof,
and you will always remember
me
​
twenty,
and america has
changed you, ruined you,
you walk with your
back straight, head held high,
wildfire in your eyes
instead of tears
and venom on your tongue
instead of apologies
your pen a weapon, stripping me clean,
telling
the
world
what
I’ve
done.
there is a
beast under this roof
fangs sharpened and
claws ready and
i don’t know anymore,
if it is
still me